Disclaimer: I pour my heart and soul into this for all of five minutes.

"Did you ever learn to knock?"

"Sorry, your years of celibacy never prepared me for anything more traumatizing than you, your underwear and...what band was that again? Spice Girls?"

"The Doors."

"I still don't understand how the underwear came into it."

"YOU BLOODY WELL CAME IN WHILE I WAS--"

"Dancing in your underwear?"

"Different scenario. Keep up. My girlfriend requests I hang your head on a stick outside the door as a warning to Alec."

"Alec would never come in. He has some super-sense that allows him to avoid ever being caught in embarassing positions. By the way, nice ass."

"Jack?"

"Yeeees, Neil?"

"I'm going to kill you and dump your bloodied corpse in the river. And then I'm going to sell all your possessions, move to Mexico and live happily knowing I did the world a favour."

"...I think my paper can be done at the library byeeeeeeee."

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